Have You Had A Sexual Thought

I don’t actually want to be gangbanged by 10 men and whored out with a double penetration in my anus.

But that’s what my porn searches look like.

If you’re curious about my search phrases, here you are:

Double anal penetration

Double anal gangbang

DAP gangbang

Triple anal gangbank

Latino double anal (I don’t know, they seem very raw sometimes)

Barbie Sins gangbang

Veronica Avluv gangbang

Other variations abound.

I will take this to my grave. Actually, I would die, find a way to rise up and delete my search history, before I lay my ghost to rest.

In all my gangbang imaginations though, I can never imagine myself doing any of it. It’s not a fantasy for me, but one so far removed that none of the characters are remotely relatable. They’re all White. And the eager woman is as plastic as a life-sized Bratz Doll. She’s sex crazed, insatiable and wants to be the center of attention. As many guys and dicks and cum-shots and buttholes as possible.

Pretty depraved.

I’m the opposite.

The most spice I like in real life is being slightly rough, and that for sure gets me off. The thought of me, myself, having anal sex in is severely off-putting. Possibilities of having even a threesome make me loose my will to undress. The thought of all the logistics and the exposure surrounding all of these actually takes every fun out of it.

So how can images that can get me off so well when I’m alone be so appalling when I imagine it actually happening to me?

I don’t have the answers.

Overall though, what might be worse is how I don’t even feel guilty about checking these. I’m that insensitive about it now. The guilt I used to feel about watching porn when I was way younger is a shadowy memory.

For better or worse, I’m content with simply watching and enjoying the moment.

Cause life’s too short. At least that’s what I tell myself.