You Really Should Be Prouder

Have you ever done a bit of reflection and realized that…wait… there a lot of things you’ve achieved that you should be proud about, but you’ve never really paused to celebrate them, or even to realize that they are achievements?

In the spirit of self-love this February, I took some time to think about myself – my experiences, achievements and how I see myself.

I can imagine that like many people, there’s a certain way I see myself, versus a certain way I want to be, and that gap is what I need to cross to keep growing. But upon my reflection, I realized that I actually have come a long way towards who I want to be, but I don’t give myself enough credit for this.

So I’d like to share with you three things that I only recently realized about myself, that have made me appreciate how far I’ve come, and in fact, love myself more.

The first thing I’ve realized is that I’m more assertive than I give myself credit for

One thing about myself that I’ve wanted to change for a while is that I’ve always felt that I say ‘yes’ too easily because I don’t want to have difficult conversations, and because I want to be helpful. But while this may be true in some cases, I’ve come to realize that I do say ‘no’ when it really matters.

I said ‘no’ to a job opportunity because the contract was changed, even when I didn’t have another opportunity to fall back on.

I took a year out for my masters and when I got back, I had a took up a job offer from my previous employers. We had agreed that I’d be based in Abuja, where I always was, rather than Lagos where the head office was. But two weeks into the job, they asked me to pack up and move to Lagos. After a series of difficult conversations, I quit even when I had no other job to fall back on.

I’ve never given myself credit for not being a push over during this difficult stage.

I also said ‘no’ to a close friend who needed help bringing home (to Nigeria) some packages she had bought from the UK.

When I was about to make a trip back to Nigeria from the UK, a friend asked me to take some new clothes back for her. I didn’t want to but I didn’t want to be difficult, so I said yes. She sent someone over with the package and it was a lot more than I imagined, and so I sent the package back, amidst more difficult conversations.

The second thing I’ve realized is that I challenge more societal norms than I give myself credit for.

I have never, in all my life, thought of myself as a non-conformist. I see myself as not ever shaking any boats, not realizing that I’ve been shaking a cruiser for at least the past 5 years. At 35 years old, I’m still not married and perhaps most importantly, I still don’t have kids…and I don’t intend to. If you know anything about African cultures, you’d know that this is frowned upon to put it mildly. So much so that people get all up in your business.

For example, anytime I speak to someone who I haven’t spoken to in a while, they ask me when the wedding is.

I’ve also got Tattoos.

This is another thing that’s frowned upon in Nigerian culture. I knew that everyone in my family would be against it, but I did it anyway. Throughout my tattoo session, I kept wondering how I was going to keep it hidden from them for the rest of my life. But I got home and showed it to them. My mother couldn’t believe it – she wanted it to be fake for weeks.

The third thing I’ve realized is that I’m braver than I give myself credit for.

I’ve always seen myself as someone who doesn’t take chances. Not realizing that I’ve taken some major chances already. For example, I moved to Lagos, the business capital of Nigeria and a city of 20 million people, where I knew literally only two people.

Most people I know who aren’t from Lagos despise the city because it’s loud, bustling, full of entrepreneurs, full of scammers too, and very in-your-face. A very different city from Abuja. But I took that leap and I realized that it’s something to celebrate

I also solo travelled for the first time in 2020. I took my first solo trip to Uganda in early 2020, just before the pandemic. My family and friends were concerned, but what they didn’t know was that I was concerned too. My heart was beating all through the travel until I got settled in my hotel. I ended up having a lot of fun but never stopped to celebrate that milestone.

And it’s with this realization of bravery that I’ve taken the leap to join Toastmasters; a community where I can be vulnerable and grow in my leadership journey.

In conclusion, taking the time to deeply reflect about myself made me realized that I’m more assertive, more non-conformist, and braver than I’ve given myself credit for.

And that’s why I urge to, if you haven’t already, take some time out to reflect about yourselves – your own experiences and accomplishments.

You’ll be surprised what you find.